A lover. A fighter. A three-time winner. A three-time revoked champion. A philanthropist. A miser. A demigod. A demagogue.

Alive. Long gone. Handsome. Pug-ugly. Sage. Ignorant. Sober. Buzzy.

Raised by turtles, mentored by circus freaks, apprenticed to sled dogs, freed by rabid chimpanzees.

Filthy liberal meets restrained religioso. Screaming meets whispering. The call of the wild meets the call of the bed. A tank meets a land mine.

Whiter than an Irishman, less secure than a comedian, more amazing than jello, less amazing than jello with fruit in it.

Most Likely To Train Squirrels One Day. Most Likely To Use A Non-Sequitur. Most Likely To Contradict Himself. Least Likely To Use A Non-Sequitur. Most Likely To Lie. Butter squash!

Sexy showers are his domain. If you dare challenge him, you will only end up in a world of hurt and humiliation.

Lives off pasta and water.

Possibly the worst film student of all time.